Talking dirty is a surefire way to spice things in up in the bedroom.
Sex is best with a bit of noise. After all, it's hard to keep quiet when you're in the throws of pleasure! However, sometimes we want to push it past the basic "yes!" and moans of pleasure. That's where dirty talking comes in. Sure, we've seen it in porn and movies but applying it in real life can be a bit trickier than just opening our mouths and saying the first thing that pops into our heads.
First of all, dirty talk isn't always natural so it takes a bit of practice. We are going to go over some important tips and tricks to how to learn to talk dirty, like word choice, location and timing, and giving feedback. By the end of this article, you'll not only be more comfortable with talking dirty, you'll be well on your way to becoming a pro!
First of all, we should describe what dirty talking is. It seems fairly obvious from the name but it's always good to go over the basics! Dirty talking is basically employing any sort of sexy talking during sex. Noises like moans and grunts are fairly common during sex, as is basic phrases like "yes!" or "that feels so good!" Dirty talking takes it up a notch and employs more specific language. It's often used a lot in porn so sometimes it can be viewed as something negative. However, when used properly it can be a lot of fun and can really increase your pleasure in the bedroom. Dirty talking is also really great foreplay; many people find verbal stimulants to be a major turn on.
Sometimes dirty talking can border on being vulgar or provocative. Sometimes it can tap into fantasies or fetishes. There are lots of kinds of dirty talking, which we'll get into below.
There is more than one kind of dirty talking. In fact, there are numerous types! It's hard to pin-point specific types as dirty talking styles can vary from person to person. This is because like many sexual activities, dirty talking is very personal and depends on a person's interests and comfort zone. However, there are still a few main types of dirty talking that people tend to use:
This is talking in the now or present. You act as a narrator and describe what is happening as if the sex was a scene in a movie or book. This is one of the easier kinds of dirty talking as you don't need to really use your imagination too much—all you have to do is describe what's happening! For this kind of dirty talking to be the most effective, you need to be comfortable with using sexual terms instead of euphemisms. Saying "thing" isn't as sexy as saying "dick," for example!
Future talk is similar to narration except it is all about what you are planning on doing. This is a great form of foreplay to get your partner really excited about things to come. You can use it in whisper form before you are even home, for example, to really get them all hot and bothered.
This is another great form of foreplay. With past narration, you bring up things that happened in the past to relive the sexy times. It can be a great way to get in the mood again or to talk about what you want to do again.
Fantasy talk is all about telling a story. It is tapping into your and your partner's fantasies and spinning a story with as much detail as possible. It's mean to excite and transport. You could describe the fantasy as a dream or as something that you want to happen someday.
Role-play is similar to fantasy in that you are imagining a new and exciting scenario. However, the difference with roleplaying is that you and your partner are actually acting out what you are talking about. You may be pretending to be a teacher and they are the student, for example.
How you use these types of dirty talking and adapt them to suit your own sexual preferences is up to you!
Like we mentioned before, there are way more kinds of dirty talking than just the five main categories we listed below. The main thing is to experiment and find out what works for you and your partner. Dirty talking is only sexy if YOU find it sexy. That means that you need to try out all the styles and figure out which one you like best.
If you are brand new to dirty talking, we recommend starting off with narration, as it is the easiest and uses the least imagination or thinking outside of the box. Once you get used to that, you'll find all of the other types of dirty talking will come super easy!
We've gone over the basic styles of dirty talking, which is super helpful. But now for something even more helpful: more specific tips to being super successful with all kinds of dirty talking. These tips can be used no matter what style of dirty talking you are wanting to try out. And more importantly, utilizing these tips can make your dirty talking even better, even the more difficult kinds of dirty talking like role play! Read on for eight tips to being the best dirty talker you can be:
Something to always consider no matter how experienced you are is that word choice matters. Different words mean different things to different people. Even within the kinky world of dirty talking, some words may be off limits. Make sure you know what words you and your partner would prefer stay off limits. As well, it is fairly easy for dirty talking to cross a line into abusive or demeaning implications. Be sure to make sure you set up boundaries for your word choice. Along with going over what words are on and off limits, it may be a good idea to set up a safe word, in case your dirty talk starts to feel uncomfortable or not sexy for yourself or your partner.
Location is also super important when it comes to dirty talk. We especially love dirty talk as foreplay in an unexpected place. For example, if you and your partner are out at dinner and you lean over and whisper something dirty in their ear. That is a major turn on and gets you both excited to get home and get down and dirty. It's also extra sexy because you do and you don't want people to overhear you. It's also important to make sure you utilize all the different kinds of dirty talk in the right sorts of locations. Role-play is more interactive and takes longer, so it's generally better to bust that out when you're at home and have more privacy and extra time.
Like we mentioned before, it's important to consider location and word choice when it comes to dirty talk. Another layer to consider is your timing. Timing comes into play when you are deciding when in your sexual activity you want to use dirty talking. Like we mentioned above, we especially love dirty talk as foreplay in unexpected places. Dirty talk is often the best as foreplay because it utilizes new senses to get you and your partner excited. Dirty talking can also be used to great effect during your climax. When you and your partner are about to come, you can sprinkle in some dirty talk to make your orgasms even more powerful. Above all, it's important to listen to you and your partner's wants and comfort levels when it comes to the best times to implement dirty talk.
If you are still trying to figure out what to say and how to say it, here is a great bit of advice: try repetition. Seriously! Repeating the same phrases or word can be super sexy and a major turn on. Of course, we don't mean repeating them over and over like a parrot or a broken record. However, using the same phrase two or three times for dramatic or sexual effect can have a great impact. You can also repeat phrases as a question to get your partner involved. For example, you could say something like, "I love how your dick feels in my hands." And then you can repeat it differently, like slower or with a different inflection. And afterward you can flip it to phrase it like a question: "Do you love how your dick feels in my hands?"
Dirty talking can feel a bit silly or make you feel self conscious. That is why it is very important to always give feedback to your partner and encourage them to give you feedback too. If something sounds good or turns you on, make sure to tell them! And try to ensure that they give you the same sort of feedback. You will also want to know phrases that both of you dislike so you know to avoid them in the future.
One of the most effective ways to add in dirty talk is to make it all about your partner. Try to get them off with your dirty talking instead of just focusing on yourself. By focusing on your partner, you'll increase their pleasure and hopefully they'll be returning the favor for you!
We already mentioned this above in location but it's important enough to mention again! We love taking dirty talk out of the bedroom and in unexpected places. Along with whispering or using dirty talking out in public, we also love bringing it to other places, like written notes or voice mails or emails. There is nothing sexier than reading an erotic note from your partner. Writing letters can also be a great way to ease into dirty talk. It's a bit less exposed and you can practice putting certain phrases or words together. We highly recommend starting with letters if you are feeling a bit shy about dirty talking with someone else. Of course, remember to keep these things private! You might not want one of the letters to get publicized!
One of the most important things to remember about dirty talking is to always experiment and explore. Of course, we want you to stay within your comfort zone, but you won't be able to learn new things or get more adventurous without pushing your boundaries a little bit! Make sure to communicate with your partner and set up any ground rules and then get to having fun! There is no reason to not experiment with every kind of dirty talking, fro narration to fantasy talk to roleplaying. You can also experiment with the delivery methods as well. We think you'll be surprised with how creative and interesting you can get with dirty talking if you just think a little outside the box and really listen to your adventurous side!
And there you have it. Maybe you were worried about dirty talking before. We hope after reading through this guide, you'll realize that dirty talking isn't as bad as it sounds and, in fact, it may even sound a bit fun! Before we go, we'll leave you with maybe the most important tip of all: don't spring dirty talking on your partner unexpectedly, especially if you've never done it before. It is one o those things that can take people by surprise. To make it the most fun and get the best out of it, just give them a heads up and get on talking!