Ghosting is one of the new trends in the dating world that people are using as the primary way to tell a prospective partner that the relationship may not be going anywhere and you want to end it. These days, people do not use the traditional method of gently letting down an individual that they were in a relationship with. People don't pick up the phone as much to explain that things might not be working out and so it is time to call it quits. If you no longer want to hang out with someone, it is best to man up about it and let the person know.
If you have gone on several dates with someone for a short time or long time and you are just not feeling a connection, it would be best to let them down easily rather than take the ghosting option of not saying a word and leaving the person in the dark to figure it out. When you have lost interest in someone and you need to end the relationship, there is going to be emotions involved and so it might be difficult to tell the person. However, if you want to spare them the emotional feelings, there are certain things you can do to let the person down gently.
First, you have to select the best mode of communication that is effective and less hostile. Try to avoid any of the common pitfalls that come along with a breakup. And more importantly, make sure you end the communication in such a way as to permit both of you to move on without ill feelings. You should try your best not to hurt the person's feelings, even though, your feelings have gone south and you no longer care that deeply about the person anymore. Remember that this is a human being and what you don't want done to you, don't do it to someone else. It is that simple.
It is ideal to be cautious about how you proceed in a relationship for the first few months. That is the time that both of you are trying to figure out your feelings for each other. Take it slowly in the beginning because it will be easier to let down someone if it doesn't work out. If you go too hard from the start, then this could lead to volatile reactions if you try to end it and this is probably due to the deep feelings that may have developed. In other words, if you were to rush into the relationship right off the bat and things don't go the way you thought that they would, this is a recipe for disaster in itself. It is probably going to cause confusion for the other party involved. Even though, you may be excited at the beginning of the relationship about finding this wonderful person, it would result in mixed emotions if you suddenly realized that the relationship is going nowhere.
If you want to have an easy breakup, there is a formula for doing so. You have to be honest about your intentions and you have to have an open discussion about it without any hypocrisy or hidden innuendo. Rather than stringing the person along, it is better to let them down gently because you want to avoid the hurt. You might think that once you disappear without any warning, it is a clear sign that you are done, but that is not the case. You leave the person in equilibrium and without closure. When you do not clearly say what is going on, it only prolongs the relationship and waste time. When someone does not know exactly what is going on, it leaves them in the darkness and then when you do get the nerve to say something, there may be anger and resentment. You should try not to end a relationship with possible feelings of resentment coming from the other person or it can come back to 'bite you or haunt you.'
Do not continue to date the person when you already know that it is futile. Do not blow it off by procrastinating. Yes, it is hard to confront someone and tell them you are going to be ending things, but it is better to do it than to keep them thinking everything is OK. And it is bet to be direct and to the point rather than beating around the bush. You don't have to be cruel or insensitive. Do NOT start the conversation off by saying, "You know I believe you are an amazing person, but I am not feeling that connection with you as I did before." If you do this, then it will sound as if it is all about you and not about the other person. Instead, you could say, "I noticed that we no longer have a connection. I could be wrong and so I wanted to know if you felt the same way." Now, you are engaging the person and you are gently letting them down. This opens up the door for a deeper conversation where you will be able to explain in more detail how you feel about it. But, while the conversation is going on, give the other person a chance to speak and be a good listener. At least, you owe that little dignity that might be left since it can be an awkward situation. And even though, it is awkward, at least the person gets the idea and doesn't have to wait much longer to know the truth.
If you really want to let down someone easier, you might have to swallow your pride and try to get rid of any discomfort that is definitely going to come with it. No one wants confrontation and so that in itself is not something anyone wants to do. However, it should be done. Telling someone that you no longer have any interest in them is not the easiest topic to discuss, but you have to be unselfish, honest and upfront. When you have delivered the bad news, at least, you will walk away feeling like you did the right thing and you helped the person to begin a future without you, even though, starting over is not the best thing. It is still better than ghosting the person to try to spare their feelings. Bad karma can follow you.
First, before you start the conversation to deliver the news, be sure to plan a special day to do it and select the right venue and the right time of the day. The location and timing is so important. Not that it will make the news any easier to deliver, but you want to be in a quiet place and you want to approach it when the person is not stressed out. When you plan the location, be sure it is somewhere familiar to the other person. It should be a place where the person is most comfortable. It is best to do it face to face, of course. So, you could think about taking the person to a park or even out to dinner at a nice restaurant. You don't want to let it seem like a real date, though, but just simply trying to be nice. You don't want to send the wrong signals. You could even call and ask the person if you could come by their apartment to discuss something. While, you may be uncomfortable with this, the other person will feel comfortable being in their own space.
When you meet, give the person a friendly hug or pat on the back, which is a way to show that they are still lovable, though, the relationship is about to end. Put a look of sadness, possibly regret and empathy on the face when you speak. This will show the person that you sincerely care about their feelings, although, you are talking about ending the relationship. Showing empathy helps to lessen the blow. Be sure you have a relaxed body language or the person could quickly pick up on it, putting them at ease as well.
If you think that the conversation is going to be long, then you should select a timeframe where you won't have any interruptions. If you were in a long term relationship, an hour of explanation won't fit the bill. You are going to need more time because the person might have a lot of questions and may want to voice their own feelings. The best time to go over to his or her apartment, if it is confirmed is one night during the week. This allows you to address any lingering topics and you will be able to tie up the loose threads before leaving.
Be sure to take responsibility for what you are about to say. Don't put any blame on the next person or the conversation may get sour. Remember, it is your decision to end the relationship. So, you have to take responsibility for your decision and actions. You are the person with the changed feelings. You should be the person to begin and end the conversation. Yes, make sure that there is a conclusion. You don't want to leave the person hanging. You also don't want to leave the person thinking that you have not accepted the fact that you are responsible. Don't leave the person feeling more confused. So when you are getting to the end, be sure to find out if the person has any questions and as much time as possible to answer those questions, one by one. Even if your partner doesn't get the message, at least you would have tried your best to explain. So, now it is your time to ask questions, whether there is a mutual understanding or not.
You should be open with your emotions. Don't hide behind excuses. Put everything out in the open. However, you don't have to explain every single thing that has caused you to reach your decision. If you have found out that this person is not the right person for you, say it! This allows the person to listen and choose to accept what you are saying and with that comes a sense of closure. And it is definitely OK to say that you are sorry. The person will forgive you if you show that it was very hard for you to do this and that you regret that this had to happen. You can even go a step further to say that you are looking for something else than what the person has to offer and that it wasn't the person's fault, but it had to do with your expectations. You could even indicate that you never wanted a serious relationship and that was what was beginning to happen. You could go a step further and offer friendship instead.
When you are letting an individual down, it is important to stay calm. In doing so, you will be able to focus, say the right words and do so in a succinct manner. It will also prevent you from becoming too dramatic and overly emotional. It will also cause you to ramble on and this will only obscure your message. Spend time in preparation for the conversation, even if you have to write it down and go over it again and again to keep it in your head. Don't sound too rehearsed though because this is the time when authenticity is essential.
If your delivery has caused sadness and crying, be the first to console the person. If he or she allows you to touch, go ahead and give a hug. Let the person know that you don't mind staying good friends. However, make sure that you can reasonable offer friendship before doing so. Stay positive throughout the whole thing and exit with pride, but humility. Be proud that you took the right action letting down someone gently.