We love having fantasies but is it okay when we're with someone else?
One thing we love to do to is fantasize about other people. This is a tactic we especially love to employ when we are masturbating. We close our eyes and imagine someone doing pleasurable things to us, or us doing pleasurable things to someone else. It's generally almost always okay to fantasize about other people when we're masturbating, even if we're in a relationship with someone But what about when we're having sex with someone? Is it okay to fantasize about someone else while having sex?
That is what we are here to answer! The bottom line is: we think it is totally normal. However, that statement does come with some caveats which we will be exploring. We will be examining statistics behind fantasizing and some of the reasons fantasizing during sex can be good and some of the reasons it can be bad. We'll end off with some tips to keep in mind when it comes to fantasizing during sex.
If you feel like you are the only person who fantasizes during sex, don't worry! You are actually not alone! Almost everybody loves to fantasize, but sometimes the timing can change. In a recent scientific study, about 98% of both men and women said that it was totally normal to fantasize while masturbating and they all agreed that it made masturbating sexier and the orgasms stronger. Now, for those 98% who are in relationships, less thought it was "okay" to fantasize about someone other than their partner while masturbating. About 78% of men and 69% of women said it was okay to think of someone else just during masturbating. The rest like to imagine their partner. Nobody polled thought that fantasizing during masturbating was considered "cheating."
When asked about fantasizing during sex, about 72% of men and 61% of women think it is okay. Most of them worried about what their partner might think or if it is considered "cheating." However, many think that it is totally fine because it's just in their head and a good tactic for getting off. It is also interesting to note that this form of sexual pleasure is becoming more and more popular. A similar study done in the 1950s found that men and women rarely fantasied and if they did it was considered more taboo. That seems to imply that fantasizing during sex is only going to grow in popularity and acceptance. We are very okay with that!
It is important to remember, of course, that while statistics are a great way to get a feel of the general population, you shouldn't let the results control or dictate what you want to do or what feels right.
Like the statistics above revealed, the most popular way to fantasize is while masturbating. This makes sense. After all, when we masturbate, we often want it to feel as close to actual sex as possible. So if we close our eyes and imagine someone doing things to us instead of doing it ourselves, it can make masturbating even better. Now, it only makes sense that if we're imagining someone touching us or having sex with us, it will be a fantasy person. Perhaps it's a person you have a crush on or a famous celebrity. Whoever it is, fantasizing about them is a lot of fun. It's also exhilarating to imagine ourselves in situations that we might not get a chance to be in. This is why we love to fantasize.
So that covers fantasizing during masturbating but what about during sex? There can be good things and bad things when it comes to using this turn-on tactic. We are going to examine both in an effort to provide you with as much fair and balanced information as possible.
You may not think about fantasizing during sex as something you want to do, however we think you should consider it before you knock it. Many people think that fantasizing during sex can be exciting and exhilarating. It can add a little something extra to sex and make orgasming that much better. If executed properly, it does not have to be a slight or an insult to your partner. Here are some of the reasons why fantasizing during sex can be really great.
Just like fantasizing while masturbating can be a huge turn on, fantasizing during sex can be just as much of a turn on. In fact, some people say it is even sexier. Imagining another person while you are with your partner can even feel a bit like a threesome and who doesn't love the idea of a threesome, right? Exactly! By also getting your partner in on the fantasy you can make it more like a joint effort. That can also help to make it feel a little less sneaky. Although we think a discreet, sneaky fantasy can be a big turn on too!
Sometimes we can get all stuck in our heads when it come to orgasming. We may be feeling under pressure or stress to come. And of course, the minute we are feeling stress or pressure it becomes almost impossible to orgasm. Sometimes focusing on the immediate feelings of sex and our partners just isn't enough. This is where a fantasy can help to loosen us up. Diving into a bit of a fantasy can relax us and make it easier to orgasm.
Let's be honest: fantasies are super sexy. Generally it's more openly accepted to have a shared fantasy with your partner. However, it can still be totally fine and normal to have a fantasy about some one else.
Overall we think it is important to be open with your partner, but we'll go more into that later on. For now, we will focus on two different ways you can introduce a fantasy to sex. The first way is you can let your partner in on the fantasy. They can provide some dirty talk or even help to come up with what you are fantasizing about. That sounds super hot to us! Like an extreme role play! The other way you can fantasize during sex is to keep it to yourself. If it is your little secret, it can be just as exhilarating that way.
Fantasizing during sex is still not super popular and that is because is often seen in a negative light. We talked about the good and it's also important to highlight the bad. That way if you are considering exploring this aspect of sex you are well informed and have properly thought it through. Read on for how fantasizing during sex can have a negative impact and what you can do to make it better.
When you are fantasizing about someone else, it has the potential to make your partner feel left out. They may be hurt because they don't know why you are fantasizing about someone else when they are right there. It could start to make them fear that they aren't good enough. That is not necessarily the case when it comes to fantasizing during sex so it is important to be open with your partner and let them know that it has nothing to do with them and their performance. Instead, this is about you and what turns you on. Hopefully they'll see it from that perspective and maybe even get into it so they can help turn you on too!
Just like it can make your partner feel left out, it can also start to feel a bit like cheating. Of course, everyone has their own definition of what constitutes cheating. It is definitely a stretch to consider a fantasy proper, true cheating. However, that doesn't mean it can't feel like that to a partner. After all, if you are spending all of your time during sex thinking about someone else, what else are they supposed to think? That is why it is important to make sure your partner still feels important and taken care of during sex. You may be fantasizing about someone else but they are still number one in your books.
If you are fantasizing during sex, you need to be careful to not let it take over your pleasure. What we mean by that is that the fantasies can become a crutch. You don't want to find yourself in a position where you can only come if fantasizing. That's not good at all! In order to avoid this, make sure to switch things up in the bedroom and try other different forms of pleasure and foreplay. Try not to rely solely on fantasies and it will be hard for them to control you!
So as you can see, there are pros and cons to fantasizing during sex. But isn't that the case with all things? Yes! We like to think that the pros definitely outweigh the cons, however fantasizing during sex isn't for everyone. It's important to remember that if your partner isn't into it you definitely want to keep it on the down low or not engage in fantasies during sex. Yes, it's hard for your partner to get inside your head but we like to think that honesty is sexier.
Once you are ready to add some fantasizing to your relationship, there are three things to remember that will keep it fun and exciting. You may want to write these ones down because it's important!
It's very important to be fully aware of why you are fantasizing. Is it because you are unhappy in your relationship or are you just looking for a new way to spice things up in the bedroom? Are you using it as a way to completely pretend like you are having sex with someone else or as a supplement to make the experience more pleasurable? All of these reasons are valid, however it's good to know your motivations up front.
If you want fantasizing to be an extra layer of sexiness in the bedroom, we highly recommend letting your partner in on it. That way they can either help you work on your fantasies or even become part of your fantasies. And even if you prefer to keep your fantasies more private and sneaky, at least if they know it's going on they will still feel respected and in the loop. And respect is the key to a super happy relationship after all!
Speaking of respect, it is always important to set boundaries when it comes to adding a fantasy element to sex. Perhaps there are people who are off limits for your partner. Maybe celebrities are okay but actual friends or acquaintances are off limits. Or perhaps you'd prefer to keep all of the people imaginary. Maybe your partner wants to be involved or maybe they don't want to know anything about it. Whatever the preferences may be, it is good to talk them out in advance to make sure everyone is one the same page. This can also help to make sure the fantasies don't take over or become a crutch or too obsessive.
So in conclusion, we like to think that it is definitely normal to fantasize about someone else during sex. However, how you go about it has the potential to be good or bad. We hope that you found our advice helpful so you can improve your sex life with a little bit of fantasizing!