How exactly do you separate sex and emotions and is it important?
For as long as there has been sex and relationships, we've also be grappling with our emotions. Mainly, what to do about emotions in the bedroom. Some people prefer to leave emotion completely out of it and others enjoy what emotion can bring to a sexual experience. Ultimately, there is no right answer and it truly depends on the person. We will be discussing this, the different reasons why people choose one or the other or both, and some tips to remember when it comes to separating sex and emotions.
First of all, like we mentioned above, there is no right answer or single answer when it comes to any aspect of a healthy sexual relationship, including sex and emotions. Sometimes it can feel like you are the only person who feels the way you do but this is definitely not true! Ultimately you need to do what feels most comfortable for you and what makes you happy.
That being considered, let's dive into what the whole sex and emotions thing is really all about.
So what's the deal with separating sex and emotions anyway? Isn't sex inherently a little bit emotional regardless? We like to think so! Passion and sexiness can be "emotions," after all. However, it's very common to talk about casual sex or one night stands as being "without emotion" and just as sex. So, really, a different way to talk about sex with emotions could be sex with an emotional attachment or relationship. Usually when you get to know someone is when you develop emotions or feelings for them, which is when the sex can shift from casual to being more meaningful. Some people never want that feeling of casual sex to go while others prefer to have sex with emotions. Some people never want to mix the two while others don't think the two can be separated at all. However, there is a undeniable difference between a one night stand with someone you barely know and meaningful sex with a long-term partner.
Like we mentioned above, most often sex without emotion is associated with one night stands or flings. It can also be called "meaningless sex" or "mindless sex" or "no strings attached sex." Often people utilize this kind of sex if they are not looking for a relationship or anything serious but rather just want to have fun. Sometimes these encounters can lead to something more, but for the purpose of this article, we'll assume that they are meant to stay casual. Many people feel that this sort of sex is the most fun, as it can be seen as consequence free. You can have a little fling and then continue on with your life without having to worry about having a partner to support or person in your life. People also like this kind of sex more because they don't have to spend time getting to know someone before diving right in.
On the other side of the spectrum is sex with emotion. This is often seen as meaningful sex or the sort of sex you have when you are in a relationship. Often you will have feelings for each other, which can alter you how interact with that person both in the bedroom and outside of the bedroom. Married sex is usually seen as sex with emotion. Many people prefer this kind of sex because the extra levels of emotion make the sex feel more special and intimate. There are also plenty of people out there that only feel comfortable having sex once they've gotten to know someone a little bit. They feel safer and more relaxed with an emotional attachment. For these people, feeling safer might mean they can be more adventurous or let go of inhibitions.
Ultimately it's important to remember that neither is better than the other. It all boils down to personal preference and comfort. Further along, however, we will be exploring ways to keep emotion and sex more separate and why some people find it easier than others.
Like we mentioned above, it all comes down to personal preference and comfort. Some people will say that they get all hot and bothered by not knowing someone that well or not having any strings attached. On the flip side, other people will find that stressful and prefer to build a relationship with someone before having sex with them. Instead of thinking about them as one being better than the other, just think of them as being different ways of having sex, sort of like sex positions!
Of course we can't talk about sex and emotions without discussing men and women. You've likely been reading this and have already started associating emotionless sex with men and emotion-filled sex with women. Well, we won't correct you because that is actually fairly accurate! Statistically speaking, more men engage in and seek out emotionless sex than women. In a nationwide sex study conducted last year, an overwhelming 72% of men said that they preferred casual and emotionless sex. However, they also added that for the right person they would want to settle down and start having emotional sex. About 68% of women said they preferred to have more emotion in their sex.
In general, men tend to prefer emotionless sex and women prefer emotional sex. This is actually a bit down to science and how men and women's brains tend to work. Women's brains and bodies are wired to feel more of a sexual response to feeling safe and getting to know someone. For them, having feelings for another is a turn on and helps in the bedroom. However, for men, they are wired to more enjoy casual sex. Of course, these are just generics. It is definitely possible for men to enjoy meaningful sex and women to enjoy one night stands!
Now that we've gone over the definitions of sex and emotion and touched on the general statistics, it's time to get into the nitty gritty of separating emotion from sex. Is it easy? Can it be done? Well, it can be easy, and yes it can be done! But first you should ask yourself what sort of sex you prefer and what really gets you all hot and bothered. If the thought of causal or anonymous sex excites you, then it's best to try to keep emotion out of it for as long as possible, for example! The only way to fail in separating emotion from sex is if you truly don't want to do that in the first place. You'll find that you may be able to separate the two but it won't necessarily be enjoyable or fun. And what's the point of having emotionless sex if you don't enjoy it, right? Right!
So why do some people have an easier time at it? Chances are they've had more practice. Seriously, sometimes that is all there is to it. Practice does make perfect, after all! Some people are wired to really enjoy meaningless or casual sex so it is very easy for them to not develop emotions or relationships with people. These people also likely employ four important things that we'll go into below. Now, it is very important to remember that being good at this or wanting to do this doesn't necessarily make you a bad person... or a good person for that matter. And people who prefer more meaningful sex aren't bad or good either. Both of these are simply sexual and relationship preferences and both should be respected!
If you are wanting to have an easier and better time at separating sex from emotion, we have four important things to consider. These are the four basic, yet important, tips that fans of casual sex always use to keep it less emotional and less attached. If you are wanted to engage in more casual sex, we recommend trying out these tips. We guarantee you'll see some great results!
The easiest way to keep emotion out of sex is to not get into any position where you could develop emotions or feelings for someone in the first place. And what we mean by this is stick to one night stands or short term flings! If you don't give yourself a chance to develop a bond then it won't happen by accident. As well, if you are new to one night stands, forcing yourself to practice and stick with them will make it all the more easier. Also, a one night stand is fairly clear and both parties tend to understand that nothing more is meant to happen. That way you can avoid any awkward conversations about going on another date or getting to know one another. However, we will add this: a one night stand is no excuse to not learn someone's name! At least do that!
While one night stands and emotionless sex can be a lot of fun, the chances of being unsafe are elevated. When you are having sex with someone you don't know, there is more of an opportunity to be hurt or get exposed to something. Always try to be as safe as possible, from using protection to making sure people know where you are. And when you feel safe, you'll likely be able to let loose and have more fun with your one night stands anyway!
A one night stand is pretty clear about its intentions, however it is always good to be as upfront as possible when it comes to what you want out of your sexual encounter. Yes, words do have the potential to not be heard or be misinterpreted but if you are clear and honest, then you've done your part and it is up to the other person to do theirs. We are big fans of communication here at SoNaughty. In fact, good communication is a big turn on. Seriously! It keeps both parties knowing what is going on, which means you can continue to have lots of sexy fun without being hurt or confused.
Like communicating, this one is just as important, particularly if you have a standing hookup with the same person. It is always vital to constantly check in with your sexual partner to make sure you are both on the same page with having casual sex. As well, it is important to check in with yourself. Is this still what you want? Are you enjoying yourself? These are good questions to ask yourself regularly!
There will always be a lot of debate about what is the best kind of sex. However, all that matter at the end of the day is that you are happy with your sex life and you are being open and honest with your sexual partners. Luckily there are plenty of people, both men and women, who prefer each kind of sex so you never have to worry about finding a good sexual partner!
We hope you've learned some good tips and tricks about separating emotion from sex. Remember: it all comes down to listening to what you want and practice. And, of course, make sure you are connecting with partners who feel the same way you do, whatever way that is. You will definitely not enjoy casual sex if you hookup with people who aren't into it to begin with. Trust us: when both parties are on the same page, the sex is way more fun and enjoyable!