What To Do When You Match With Your Ex's BFF Online?


It can be tricky to go through a breakup. In fact, it can be quite messy, hurtful and just hard to endure; at least for many people. And not matter if you are the person that decided to break up or the person at the other end of the totem pole, it is still hard to deal with. Everyone has to move on either way. During the lull period when you have just broken up, it can be lonely and scary. You don't know what to do with yourself. You are afraid of meeting someone new and starting all over again. You don't know if you should go out with your friends and feel jealous that they have a boyfriend or date and you don't. So, in many cases, people who have been dumped will often stay home. However, you don't have to choose that option because there are so many possibilities out there when it comes to meeting someone else.

New Date

While you are looking for a new date, you can hang out with friends all weekend. Just call up one or more of your friends to find out what they are doing and either join them or plan your own hang out schedule. You could hit the gym and start working out again. You could date the best friend of your ex so you can get under this skin or make him jealous. Is dating your ex's best friend really a good idea? Many people might not think so. But, it is going to be a mutual decision between two adult people that may have liked each other while the ex was in the picture. Let's take a closer look at this scenario.


Asking Permission


Whether you and your ex ended your relationship amicably or not, it is not cool to be the one that has to ask your ex, if you can date his BFF. It might irk you to even be talking to your ex because you just want to leave the past behind you and forget that you even hooked up with your ex. You don't even want him to know that you are dating again and more importantly, you don't want him to know your business either, let alone know that you may have an interest in his BFF. That really sucks. But do you really have to get permission from your ex, though? Or do you just do what the hell you want to do without regard for what anyone will say about you?

The Approach

If you do want to play nice, then it is going to be your choice. You would approach your ex nicely and tell him or her that you happen to stumble upon his or her BFF online while you were searching for dates and it so happened that you both were a match for each other according to the algorithms used on this particular dating site. You were surprised to have stumbled upon him or her, but you would like to see if this was a genuine match or not and so you want to schedule a date to go out with BFF. Make sure your tone is gently. Do not try to rub it in that you want revenge, even though you may. Wait for a response and if you notice a change in attitude, it may be anger coming. So, go into the initial discussion expecting this and ready for it. If you detect a negative attitude, just swipe left and leave the scene. You will save yourself from having any unnecessary drama or more bad blood between you.

The Other Option

If you were to ask some people, they may say that dating your ex's friend is off limits, but who made up that rule in the first place? Some think that you can do better by dating other people and why should you stay attached to the same group of friends anyway when you want to move on and not have to be reminded of your past? There are many other people out there that you could date and in so doing, you would leave all the emotional scars behind. So take time to think about this. Ask the opinion of friends that know you, your ex and his BFF. Listen to the comments, advice and suggestions or recommendations and then make your own decision. No matter which way you go, make sure you feel at peace about the decision.

Use Your Head, Not Your Heart

If you are looking to your ex's BFF to lend a shoulder so you can cry on, then you are approaching it the wrong way. That is like rebounding from one relationship into something potentially risky. You could get hurt, if you allow your heart to drive the decision. You have to put your head in the game and along with your heart, make a decision that won't cause conflict between the two friends. Are you really ready for the drama that this might cause, if you choose to match with your ex's BFF? Of course, no BFF wants to see his friend dating an ex. It will cause some hurt, even if the relationship ended with an understanding. It is still not going to be cool again for the BFF's. Do you want to cause problems between two friends? Think about this before taking any action.

A Price to Pay

It is all fair in love and war. If you think that your ex's BFF is fair game, then go for it. But, what price are you going to pay for it? And is it really worth it? Sometimes, it is not until you get involved with your ex's BFF will you know the answer to these questions. Is that is a chance you want to take at the expense of both the BFF and ex's relationship? It may be a good idea to forget that you matched up online and move on to the next potential match. Or you could discuss this with the BFF.

The Discussion

Yes, it is important to know how your ex's BFF feels about the whole thing. Remember that this is not just about what you want. The other person has to either agree to do this or not. So, I think you could meet up and just talk about it and figure out what you want to do. Weigh the pros and cons. Discuss how your decision is going to affect each other and your friends. You could also go a step further and include your friends in the conversation since they will be affected if you choose to date each other. Now, let's look at some of the things that you should consider.

Your Feelings

You should consider whether you want your feelings to be hurt or at least, take that risk again or not. You might have seen this same thing play out in a television movie where the characters face the same situation and end up falling in love despite the odd. But, that is television and this is your life. Your ex might feel that you and his friend betrayed him. It might bring a sense of sadness and loss because then your ex has to make a choice as well, whether to stay friends with his BFF or not. Your ex is going to also blame you for making that decision. Additionally, your ex will feel resentful toward the BFF. How will you feel about all of that, especially since you may get most of the blame?

Comparing Notes

If you choose to match up with your ex's BFF online, then you face the possibility of having both friends sit and talk about you, comparing notes about your actions and behavior in and out of the bedroom. Your ex might paint a bad picture that the BFF might pick up on and use tidbits of past details to dictate the relationship. This is not a good look! And it is not going to serve you well either. If your intention is to rub this the wrong way with your ex by hooking up with the BFF, then you will regret it, if they end up comparing notes and talking about you. It is a recipe for disaster, but you need to remember that they were friends before you came into the picture.

The Ex Talk

Exs talk to their buddies about their women and their breakups. They do it all the time, whether male or female. Did it occur to you that the new man in your life that happens to be your ex's BFF has already heard everything about you and what went on in the relationship with your ex? On another front, you have to assess what kind of relationship you currently have with your ex. Is it amicable? Is it hostile? Is it a friendship? If it is a friendship, then you don't want to mess with the friendship, if it means a lot to you. If your ex is closer to his friend, his loyalty is going to be obviously his or her BFF. So, you can expect that they are going to talk about you. Your ex may try to give the BFF advice or recommendation toward making a specific decision, which might not work out in your favor. Why choose to endure such scrutiny and judgment between two friends? You don't have to put yourself through that.

Caught in the Middle

If you think that you will end up being obsessive over what kind of information the BFF learned from your ex, then it is best to date someone that is not in this circle. Otherwise, if you remain in this situation, you might end up being caught in the middle of drama with no other option than to move on. You would have wasted your time and energy with something that should not have happened in the first place because of the climate of the situation.

Being Vulnerable

Don't put yourself in a vulnerable situation where the friend knows that you have just gone through a breakup and your guard is let down. If you think that the BFF is just trying to play nice and not really into you, stay clear of any type of match up. Put your guard up and try to find someone that doesn't know so much about your past. You will fare better.

Be Honest

Now, you have to ask yourself if this is about you or your ex. Prior to making any decision of whether to be with the BFF or not, there are some issues that you may have to confront. What exactly are you going to need from the BFF? Do you need companionship, sex, comfort, a friend or a relationship? You have to be honest with yourself. This is the only way that you are going to choose the right option. It may be hard to be friends because of the loyalty issue. If you are looking for a sex partner, this might be doable as long as you are not looking for a stable relationship or commitment. Companionship is also doable, if you set boundaries. Comfort may force you to discuss details of your past relationship with the ex. How comfortable would you be discussing this with the BFF?

Off Limits

It might be too awkward to match up with your ex's BFF. There are just too many people that know about the breakup and may also know about the BFF. Everyone might look at you as being stupid or uncaring. While it can be tempting to match up with whomever you want, the BFF might be off limits. If you do decide to do it regardless of all the negative signs, then at least try to sweeten the deal by talking to your ex and the BFF about it first.

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