When you hook up with an old fling, what you really want to do is to keep it bright and breezy. Do not get too heavy too quick, and try not to rely on the past as a source of conversation material. You may want to think first about if you really ought to get in touch in the first place. If everything looks good then reach out through the usual routes, such as text, email, or social media.
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It's not easy to know what to do when you hook up with an old fling. One of the things that makes it so very hard is that old flings can end in a bad way, with a lot of sorrow and heartache. If this has been the case, then you may want to really just dig down deep and ask yourself if you want to revisit that kind of pain -- and whether you want to inflict it on another person who may have also gone through the same pain with you the last time round.
If one of the reasons why you may wish to get back in touch with an old fling is because you think that they may have changed for the better, then you may want to take a step back. What do you want out of this hookup in the first place? If you want a quick roll in the hay and you think that they may be up for it, then by all means do go ahead and just reach out to them in whatever way you see fit, and through a channel you think they are most likely to respond to you on, but if you are looking for a heavy and hot long term thing, and there was a good reason why you are not in each other's lives any more, then do take some time to realize that they may still be exactly the same person -- and that you may be as well, however much you may think that you have changed since you last saw each other.
Okay, sure -- if you want to get back in touch simply for a quick roll then by all means you could think about maybe getting back in touch if you have an idea that they may be open to such a thing, but were there any messy strings left untied the last time you met? If so then have a think about whether this is the best way to get your rocks off. If you were just friends with benefits, as they say, then just go for it, of course. The best way to start is to reach out through social media -- it is way less intrusive than using their cell number or email address, and by keeping your comments public you will seem way less of a threat. Except to their potential new love interest, of course...
Wait, what? You are all over dating apps, such as Tinder or Grindr, and you want to avoid your ex? There are ways to navigate the world of online and real world dating if you want to know what to do when you DON'T want to hook up with an old fling and we are going to tell you just how to do that. First, go under an assumed name. Second, go to another town for new dates. Third, use an app that you know your ex wasn't using. Got that? Great!
Classic, and it gets the job done.
Perhaps better than giving them a call, but play it by ear -- some people like text and some like to talk, and no two people can agree exactly as to why.
Go through Facebook or Twitter or any number of other popular platforms where the general public can reach out to each other.
Make a grand gesture like a flower display, flash mob dance, sky writing (watch your budget though), or any number of big, romantic ideas that will set their heart fluttering.
This can be an old friend, or a mutual person in your lives.
This is another kind of big and very romantic gesture that some folk may find to be very appealing in terms of romance, and can work if you are not on the social media train.
Maybe not a great idea if they work in an office with high security, or if they work in a sensitive area like a retirement home or a funeral home, or a hospital, but this can be a good idea if they work in a shop or other place where any old Joe Schmoe can walk in off the street. This can be a nice way to surprise someone with a friendly face from their past.
Particularly somewhere you know they will be showing up to make an appearance.
If they are the kind of professional who can be booked, such as a lawyer or even a stripper, then why not book them under an assumed name for a big surprise. This can backfire though if they do not have a sense of humor. Be prepared to pay them for the time you have taken out of their busy schedule of course.
of course, most sensible folk would ignore such a thing from a safety point of view, but this can work if you knw that they will be flattered, and especially if you include a note that hints as to your identity, and you are sure that they may really want to hear from you. Be prepared for a few water works though -- on either side of the equation!
1. Been there done that, part one: it got dull, and it may get dull this time around as well.
2. Been there done that, part two: if it was a tough break up you may want to save yourself and them a few tears and just leave the whole thing alone.
3. Been there done that, part three: however god it may have been in the past, the key to a fulfilling life is variety, so if the thing is over and done with you may want to just move on and be with someone new and exciting. After all, it ended for a reason, so you may want to try and call to mind what that reason was and remember that it was most likely very valid and quite likely to still be relevant today.
4. It may not matter as much to you as to them that the thing is over, so you have to try and bear in mind that they may not really want to hear from you again. This is one thing that you may want to consider -- in short, the other person's feelings about you and what they may want out of life. The harsh reality is that it may not be you.
5. The situation has almost certainly changed, and there will be other people in the other person's life who may have other ideas about your object of desire's emotional life. This can be their family and their friends, but it will almost 100% be other lovers and love interests as well.
6. Think about your own options -- do you really need this other person so much that you would rather give up the single life -- or even a current squeeze -- for the chance of getting back with them?
7. What do you want to get back in touch with this other person for in the first place? If it is for romantic reasons, then that is one thing, but if all you want is an easy hookup then you may want to have a good long think about how selfish you may be behaving. After all, tis is another human being with their own life and you will be disrupting that by coming back into the scene again. Is it worth it?
8. Perhaps things were less than great the first time round. If there was any kind of abuse at all when you were in touch before then it is not worth it, however it may tempt you to get back in touch this time round.
9. Think about any new squeeze you may have and weigh it up -- will getting back in touch with an old flame really be worth it? If there are issues with your current love life then it may be worth fixing them instead and looking to the future in a positive way rather than looking back at the past with rose tinted glasses.
10. It may not be worth the effort full stop. If you have a good life and are simply a bit bored then you could do well to remember that the other person may not wan to hear from you anyway. While this is a bit harsh to consider, keep in mind that there are lots of new people out there and they may be better suited to you than your ex was. This is one thing that you should really consider, and remember to keep your head up and carry on with your life in a positive way that reflects your best interest!
We are sorry to say that you have come to the sweet end of our free SoNaughty hookup advice guide to hooking up with an old flame -- and we hope that you really got at least one or two bits of good advice out of it that can help you with your love life! If you are still trying to get your head around a hookup advice issue, or if you have any more hookup related queries, why not have a quick look at a few of our other great and totes free sonaughty.com hookup and sex life advice guides right here on sonaughty.com!
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